I get a lot of strange email concerning the 24 Hours of LeMons. However, when the head fabricator of Team Metro Gnome sent me a note that he’d conned the DMV out of a special one day exemption to “move the car,” I knew how I was spending my Tuesday afternoon. For those that don’t know, the Metro Gnome won the 24 Hours of LeMons Thunderhill Arse-Freeze-Apalooza. One hell of an accomplishment, kinda. And yes, it is a Geo Metro with a Honda CBR900RR motorbike engine lurking beneath it’s diminutive, hand made hood. 14,000 rpm redline, biz-atches. And the Gnome very well might weigh 1,000 pounds (Mk II Metros were around 1,600 pounds, stock). The photo you’re gawking at is the Metro Gnome sitting in a turnout on Mulholland Drive. First LeMons car to ever fly over Mulholland? Hell yes (jump).

Alex Vendler also invited me over to inspect the Metro Gnome to make sure they ain’t hella cheatin’. Before we move an other inch, let me rehash what happened at Thunderhill. We gave the Metro Gnome ten bonus laps. Why? We’d heard that their chain kept blowing up while they were testing the car. Chief Perp Lamm and I looked at the wimpy, single chain, looked at the Soviet quality of the metal used for the firewall and determined that the chain would snap and someone would lose a foot. I mean, IT’S A GEO METRO! How could it win? Well, stupid us ’cause it did. And more than one person began screaming, “cheater!”

Since T-Hill we’ve done away with bonus laps, as we only want to negatively influence the outcome of a race, not help anyone out. Because we’re dicks. However, Alex assured me that the Gnome would’ve totally won even without the 10 bonus laps. However, because of them, the hopped up Metro was able to leisurely limp around the track for the final 30 minutes. He would also like to point out that the teams which cried “cheaters!” loudest were also stocked with the worst drivers. As the person who had to deal with TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT black flags you schmucks managed to rack up, I can assure you Alex is right

Above you can see what’s new for 2009 — dual chain drive. Alex has him a $199 TIG welder from Harbor Freight(!) and from the looks of all the sub standard welds, he can’t keep his hands off it. His $99 Harbor Freight pipe bender, neither. See the two sprockets coming off the transmission? He welded ‘em together. As well as the diff cradle and the motor mounts. And yes, the cover over the differential is a toilet plunger, though I’m trying to talk Alex into the bell from a trombone. Jay originally gave the Gnome a residual value of $499.99, but since Alex is my buddy, I haggled Herr Lamm down to a more reasonable $499.97. How are Alex and the Gnome going to get through BS inspection? Don’t ask me, as I’m 100% recusing myself from ever looking under this car’s hood again. For the record, Jay personally hammers inspects all past winners.

Above you can see the old differential carriage und sprockets. Turns out the old set up had enough pull to actually bend the scrap metal holding it all together. This is also why they were losing chains. Well, that and a chipped 4th gear.

Check out those big sexy wheels — off a junkyard Sterling! As far as actually driving the Gnome on public roads goes, I had a hell of a time keeping up with it in my fiancee’s heinous, homunculus (and future LeMon) Ford Focus. But as Alex points out, “There’s a reason that cars have flywheels.” Translation: Uphill, not so much. Still, witnessing the Gnome running up Mulholland was a cheap wonderful thrill for me. And you should see this sucker move once the motor spools above seven grand. You know what? You can see it a month from now Goin’ for Broken in Reno.